Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I’m doing well, I’ve got things to do and results to get. Ive got a lot going on, all good. I need some help badly cos I can't handle it.
I’m so excited. I dunno if excited is the right word. I have adrenaline in me all the time, makes me feel sick. I’m tense and nervous. I can’t concentrate. I’m all over the place, wanting to do this and that. I’m doing work at home and I’m wanting everything perfect so that we’ve all got something to do. I won’t let go of things in my head. I remember EVERYTHING!
It’s too much to bear. I can’t even watch a programme related to the things I need to do. I can’t watch top gear or wheeler dealers because I want to do those things. It stirs up so much emotion in me. I can’t watch Apprentice cos I want to do it. I record things and can’t watch because it will make me ill. Does anyone else feel like this?
I do occasionally feel satisfied. When I’ve worked hard all day, done lots and really ache and hurt from it. Then I’m happy. Even then, it’s got to be seen and approved of by someone. When I’m doing these things, like painting I’m always thinking how I could help do this for others. How I could be such a good wife/girlfriend for someone, they would really want me if they knew. Hubby is never here to approve or help.
I want to be cared for so badly it’s affecting my every thought. Even though I have love I need more so badly that it’s not allowing proper thoughts to come through.  I want the support so bad. It wouldn’t even take much, just a few words of reason, words to let me know I’m doing OK, that I’m still good or if I’m not. 

What I’m doing wrong? How to stop it. Help me with techniques. Help me to see things rationally. Spend a little time with me. Not much. Help me put things in order of priority and tell me to get on with it. These are the things I struggle with. Someone’s got to care, how can they not?  Is it cos I care too much for others? Because if I could help someone like this, I’d jump to do it. Only cos I recognize how easy it is to fall into a trap in your mind.
Odd thoughts. They keep me from leading a normal life. 



Anonymous said...

maybe we bipolar's are always living in a hell or living in heaven. What can we compare ourselves too? I am going thru a divorce and before we married I told my bride to be that I was bipolar. You know that was asking lot for me to think she would understand, ask questions or research it. Maybe we are asking for help and understanding from the 'normal' people especially the ones we love, they are not be bipolar but they have there own problems that we bipolar s don't understand. And that world is so different from our world?? Wow! could it be! But your words are kind and considerate. You must care for others feelings. This is my first post and sometimes I feel just like you do now.Compassion is a very good quality in a person. Never doubt it

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comment. Im often told that I care for others. I am like that. You struck a chord when you wrote that 'others have their problems which us bipolars cannot understand. I've experienced this loads of times, probably came across quite selfish. So I've started to think the other way around even though I still become engrossed in my own issues.
Also I do feel the same - that I want a normal' person to help and understand. Although I do take advice to easily and end up looking back thinking how gullible I am. I've had some awful 'friends' who do not care and are fake - and some that I need to be careful with. I'm very easily hurt.
This website is excellent. It speaks volumes to me. Fantastic and thanks so much for the comment. Hopefully more shall come.