It's a daily struggle to go to work, clean my house, take care of my kids, and be the friend and wife everyone wants me to be. At times, I feel very alone. My husband has supported my ups and downs but pressures me about working; to continue to work even though I am going through what I am going through. I have reached a point in my life where I feel I am not being true to myself. Where do you draw the line when it comes to depression?
I have to honestly say that no one really knows what I battle with. I put up a good front in the *outside world.* I am kind and well balanced outside but I am suffering inside. Sometimes, I break. I can only take so much and then I crash. All my mental anguish affects me physically. I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe sometimes, and I have done everything in my power to change, to heal, and at times, nothing works.
It's a daily struggle. Did I say that? I look tired when everyone tells me that I look great. My eyes are puffy from crying and lack of sleep. Sometimes, I feel like the only peace I get is being home and away from the outside world.
No one gets me. No one understands. This is not self-pity. This is simply my reality. I cannot stand smiling faces as everyone walks around as if they are so happy. People put their family photos on facebook as if they have the perfect life. I feel that the world is fake and I am stuck in this Disney Fantasy Movie!