Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Daily Struggle

Each and everyday I battle with depression and everyday I try to conquer it and overcome it. I am exhausted and tired. I have my good days and I try to embrace them, but I find myself falling into that black hole and it sucks the life out of me.

It's a daily struggle to go to work, clean my house, take care of my kids, and be the friend and wife everyone wants me to be. At times, I feel very alone. My husband has supported my ups and downs but pressures me about working; to continue to work even though I am going through what I am going through. I have reached a point in my life where I feel I am not being true to myself. Where do you draw the line when it comes to depression?

I have to honestly say that no one really knows what I battle with. I put up a good front in the *outside world.* I am kind and well balanced outside but I am suffering inside. Sometimes, I break. I can only take so much and then I crash. All my mental anguish affects me physically. I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe sometimes, and I have done everything in my power to change, to heal, and at times, nothing works.

It's a daily struggle. Did I say that? I look tired when everyone tells me that I look great. My eyes are puffy from crying and lack of sleep. Sometimes, I feel like the only peace I get is being home and away from the outside world.

No one gets me. No one understands. This is not self-pity. This is simply my reality. I cannot stand smiling faces as everyone walks around as if they are so happy. People put their family photos on facebook as if they have the perfect life. I feel that the world is fake and I am stuck in this Disney Fantasy Movie!

~Anonymous~

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You feel like noone understands you?? Well, I do. I could have written the exact same thing you have. Word for word. You are not alone. I understand and experience some of the same feelings you have every day. Try to hang in there... and hang on to those "good" days. They will get you through. We are both stronger than we think we are...
Molly

Bipolarpeanut said...

You are never alone with your battle. Many of us has syptoms and issues just like you. If you have a bipolar support group is near. Make plans on attending and force yourself even when you do not want to at the time. Depression is a huge issue for us with bipolar. I get up in the morning and take a walk even if I hate the idea. Take your meds, share your feelings with your therapist, and get out of bed. We all understand you and we support eachother. :))

Bipolarpeanut said...

Just like the other comment. Embrace your good days. :))

Anonymous said...

hey...i suffer like you too... i am a 26 year old girl... taking fluoxetine daily helps a lot :)

lots of love and hugs...

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm hearing you. I'm 40. I've been living with this forever. I have 3 kids. It's a struggle daily. I went for 9 years without medication with good lifestyle , sleep and exercise and a loving partner, great kids. Now I'm hitting the wall. It's exhausting for us all. But I will not give up. I will not give in. Because those fleeting but wonderful times of peace will have to be my lifeline. I love my kids my husband and I will not let them down. Goodluck . The show must go on.

Anonymous said...

I am a junior in highschool and i feel the exact same way. The only time i am at peace is when i am in the weight room or at football practice with my team. I have have never been diagnosed but i am pretty sure i have anxiety and depression. I also think i may have a personality disorder and bi polar disorder. All of those run in my family. Add in a speech impediment on top of all that. Its so frustrating to not be able to say whats on your mind. I am a quiet kid in class and no one even knows i struggle with these issues. Also not having a normal childhood has also scared me. It all just seems like ro much sometimes. No one knows the real me. Just wanted to share my story with someone.