Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm Bipolar

I'm bi-polar. I know, I know the first thing you think is this person is crazy. Although my family may agree with you, I have been on meds for years, have held the same job for over 17 years and only been hospitalized once due to that nasty thing called menopause and it's fluctuating hormones.

I still, however, deal with the day to day fears of this disorder. If I get depressed, am I spiraling? If I have too much energy, am I getting manic? I recently quit smoking using the patch and every time I stepped down, I would get very depressed and feared I was spiraling down in to the abyss that lies inside my mind. I would return to normalcy (what normalcy is for me anyway) after about three days and would go on an exercise jaunt.

I never felt that I was going in to mania when I was exercising because I felt so good, but my husband got very afraid. I tried to assure him that I was fine but had all this extra time and energy and needed to do something (there was also the weight gain from quitting smoking I had to consider), so I exercised.

He still watches me. Ocassionally I do feel like my mental health is fragile and I need to be very careful with it because I still have the fear that one day something may push me over the edge.Anyway, I just wanted to blog and let others know that I am living with bi-polar and it is possible -- not always fun, but possible.


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