Monday, January 26, 2009

Bipolar In The Raw

Living with loved one's who are Bipolar from a woman of God's eyes. This isn't something that is really "talked" about, and some may think it's "too personal", but it's REAL and it's out there!Trying to live my life for God and dealing with the everyday struggles of mental illness.

This is MY story:

Padded rooms & lots of drugs here I come! “No, you make choices and you’re choosing to do the wrong thing.” “Why don’t you care about me?” “Why do you keep doing that?” “What is wrong with you?”

I found myself flat on my face before the Lord pleading, begging, and crying out for HELP!Convinced that there was something wrong with ME, I tried a number of different things. Some helped, some didn’t! This went on for 3 years. After an unexpected incident with our youngest son (who was 8 and already on meds for ADHD) we took yet another trip to visit the Doc. He then explained our little man was in fact bipolar.

I immediately went home and started my research! My eyes were about to pop out of my head due to all of the knowledge pouring into them. My brain was on over drive, and I couldn’t stop. If someone had tried to explain in laymen terms “what” bipolar was I would’ve looked at them like they had lost their marbles. HA, probably how people look at me when I try and explain it now.

Bipolar in children is different than in adults. While still in overdrive I realized I was also reading about my husband. With my new found knowledge I learned I was still completely CLUELESS. Trying to tell your 29 year old husband that he IS bipolar and getting on some medicine would HELP, was like pulling an embedded wisdom tooth out without Novocain. I’m NOT crazy after all, they are! Oh dear, what am I going to do now?

The Doc got our little man squared away and miracles began to happen with him! Still pulling teeth with my husband, I kept track of the episodes. Every three weeks I could expect “something” to happen. Every three months, something BIG would happen. I found myself flat on my face before the Lord pleading, begging, and crying out for HELP! October was on the horizon with the number of events all which were up in the air.

My husbands job, are we moving clear across the country, we are having another baby, WHAT! Pulling my hair out handfuls at a time and doing my best to rest in God’s perfect timing… WHAM! I was hit harder than a ton of bricks dropped from ten stories high! “Is this Mrs. Archuleta?” The first words I hear at the other end of the phone which nearly jump started my heart at 1am. Fuzzy brained and trying to focus the deep voice begins to explain who they are and why they are calling.

Calm, cool, and collective (because the severity hadn’t quite yet hit me) I proceeded to learn, my dear husband was being taken into custody and I needed to come pick up his car.“How did I miss this?” “How long has this been going on?” “How did I miss this?”Astonished & dismayed, flooded with a million thoughts, feelings and emotions I didn’t know which one to express first. I found myself flat on my face before the Lord pleading, begging, and crying out for HELP! “How am I going to support four kids (soon to be five)?” “I am NOT bailing him out!” “What am I going to tell the children when they see their dad isn’t home?” HELP, was on the way, I just didn’t know it.

2 Corinthians 12:10: (Amplified)10 So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [[a]in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful [b]in divine strength).

Spinning out of control my dear husband was facing serious charges. I found myself flat on my face before the Lord pleading, begging, and crying out for HELP! LOVE was the answer. God enabled me to love that man harder, tighter, and deeper than ever before. We made our way to see the different doctors, he was put on meds, and within days I could see a dramatic difference!

The Holidays came and went and I was so relieved, thankful and proud of MY “new” husband!SIGH…WHAM! Another ton of bricks hit. My dearest wasn’t taking his meds and hadn’t for a couple weeks. The episodes began like clockwork! “What am I going to do with this man?” “I can’t take it anymore!” “Why did I get stuck with a husband like this?”

I found myself flat on my face before the Lord pleading, begging, and crying out for HELP! My pity party didn’t last long. Clearly the Lord has given me all that I have good and bad for His purpose and it WILL glorify HIM. Meanwhile, I am to lean on Him for the strength, patience, and guidance.Philippians 4:13: (Amplified)13I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who [a]infuses inner strength into me; I am [b]self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency

~Rebecca Archuleta~


andrew said...

You really seem to have been through the mill recently.

I just wanted to let you know I am following. I have been with depression for 25 years and recently suffered a major crash. For therapy I started my blog. Essentially the latter half of last year is a complete mystery to me, except that I underwent the mental equivalent of walking through treacle. At the moment I am in a pretty bad place, and have tried to capture my feelings and experiences in the blog.
I wish you so much strength.
All the best

Darrel said...

You prostrated yourself before the Lord and all you heard was the roar of heavenly silence. I my experience I've done it so many times. I'm going to follow you so we can stay in touch
Praying for you

ktimms,, said...

I am no stranger to how you feel. I am dealing with depression to. All I can say is, don't give up.


Mariposa said...