Monday, December 8, 2008

Ready To Combust

I am too calm, too relaxed. I've been on medication consistently for about three years now and I am so bored. There is no mania, no fun, too even keel and I am ready to bust. I need to go out, drink, dance, sing, and have fun, but if I do at this time, I will get into trouble.

My life is so "in control" right now that I am bored stiff! I want excitement, enjoyment, and want to live on the edge. I feel the fire and the heat rising to the top and I am ready to explode. This *normal* life is not fun and I need to do something fast.

I always believed that stability, quietness, and calmness was for me and maybe it is, but having bipolar I am not these things or these things do not help me at all. Instead, it makes me absolutely crazy.

Oh, God! I could jump on a bike right now, drink martini's, dance in a bar for the entire bar to watch, and I could become the most fun person you've ever encountered.

Do I continue my meds or do I let it all go for a life on the edge?



Sunshine4Shadows said...

You keep on medication and find something safe that thrills you. Have you considered bunjee jumping, skiing, something adrenaline filled?
Good luck.

Position3DAT said...

You stay on the medication and go do those things anyway. Don't let the meds stop you from living an exciting and fulfilling life.

Iheartfashion said...

yes, keep on your meds, and don't think that life can't be "fun" as well as sane.

Lizzie said...

I agree stay on the meds. I just got through a very bad depressive side of my bipolar because I thought "weaning myself off" would induce mania. I guess I am addicted to the "rush" mania gives me. The opposite happen and I did think I was every going to get better. The meds suck but the alternative does too.

patch615 said...

I would also say stay on the meds. Mostly I say this because I know that however fun it is being manic, it's always horrible dealing with the aftermath. The debt, and the STI screening, the possible loss of a job, or possibility of getting kicked out of school, basically the endangering of all the stuff that sustains your existence is horrid.
I can't say that being on a more even keel is a better state, but I can say that keeping a job, and continuing to move forward is far better than loosing some of that for a week or night or whatever of fun.
Just remember that whatever you were capable of while you had your manias is still stuff you're capable of now, and realise that the only difference is how much control you have over your situation.