I have come to realize that there are large portions of my life that I simply cannot remember. I realized this seemingly selective blackout during my sophomore year of college. I had 12 people close to me die in 6 months and a hurricane pretty much destroyed my family’s home. The stress of the deaths and not being able to speak to my family sent me into my first documented depression.
After missing a week of school, not eating and never leaving my bed except to use the bathroom, my roommate called my counselor who then brought a therapist to my dorm room. They diagnosed me with depression, and thus began 4 years of therapy. During those therapy sessions I started remembering things. But were they real? Could I trust my mind? Had I watched one too many Lifetime Television for Women shows?
The memories of abuse, taunting, and hurt were too real to ignore. I tried hypnotherapy, and what the therapist recorded BLEW MY MIND! I forgot all the things that happened to me. What I THOUGHT was my first sexual experience, really wasn't! The first was actually 2 years earlier, but I simply cannot remember it.
Fast forward to February 2007. I see a guy at church. He looks familiar, and as he walks over to me and we exchange pleasantries, I remember that we worked together at one point. We exchanged contact info, but he kept looking at me. I concluded that he either liked me or was just a weirdo.
He called me later that afternoon, and dropped a bombshell: "Butterfly, why didn't you tell me you were leaving. You just disappeared without a trace." Huh? Apparently, we were dating. I have ZERO memory of being in a relationship with this guy. He described my house, my bedroom, etc, and I was grossed, disgusted, embarrassed, and ashamed at my inability to remember.
When it sunk in that my memory wasn't ALL of my memory, I began to wonder what else I didn't remember. In hindsight, it was stressing my memory that made me start with medication initially.Does anyone else experience blackouts?