Monday, April 14, 2008

Deep Into The Ocean

I feel like I'm drowning and the waves are sucking me in, sucking me down deep. Everything in my life has turned upside down. Diagnosed with Bipolar, I feel like my life has made a drastic turn, and my emotions feel like a tidal wave ready to crash.

I am so tired of family, friends, and my husband not getting it. I am sick of people thinking that I could turn around or that I am lazy. When your disorder or disease sucks you dry, the lack of energy is so powerful. Not having the desire to do anything, not having the desire to have sex, not having the desire to move forward is so destructive, but it is a destruction I cannot avoid.

My life has turned into a lump on a log. I have no purpose in my life anymore. I cannot play with my child, clean my house, visit friends, or do anything. I have become crippled and those around me are blind to my disability.

My family truly pisses me off. My in-laws irritate me. My husband disappoints me. And I am disgusted with who I've become. The water is so deep, the current is so strong, and I feel washed away like a broken seashell at the sea. That is me, broken.

Society pisses me off, their ignorance, their lack of knowledge, and their lack of education. The stigma that lies within mental illness still lingers within our society. People assume that we are freaks of nature, we are evil, we are a product of a bad seed. Personally, they could go to hell!

It amazes me how so many families have family members who are bipolar or have a mental illness, but yet no one will educate themselves. With the internet being so available, it is amazing how no one will research about what their family member or friend has. It is amazing that if we don't have a "Life Sentence" then there is no reason to wallow in our sorrows.

News Flash!!! Bipolar and mental illnesses are a Life Sentence. People commit suicide, and if we don't commit suicide then our lives slowly deteriorate as we sit and watch - I would rather be dead then to "Not Live" in the living!

So, people, if you have a family member or friend who is bipolar - GET EDUCATED! Start caring and understand what your loved ones are going through. Stop the stigma starting with YOU! Don't be afraid of us, we are as normal as anyone else. In fact, those who DON'T have a mental illness are the ones who commit robbery, rape, abuse, and other unlawful acts. Not everyone who goes against the law has mental illnesses.

We are normal, human, sensitive, caring, emotional, funny, intelligent, educated people just like you.



Anonymous said...

Amen. Thanks for posting this. It's so true how people are content remaining ignorant of what others are going through. Whether it's laziness or apathy, or they just don't want to face up to the fact that something's wrong, I don't know, but for those of us who suffer silently, there's nothing that could make us feel more alone and unloved.

Anonymous said...

While I agree with the fact that the stigma that is linked with mental disease, and in particular Bipolar disorder, is wrong I would point out that this is a two-way street. If family members should educate themselves on what is wrong with their loved one in an attempt to understand their loved ones plight then their loved one should also take a moment to reflect on the fact that Bipolar is not just something that happened to them but to their entire family. It's hard on both sides of the road, both sides should take responsibility.